Navalverse Top Gear [2003.12.14] Doble-Nome Motors Hokioi

[Valles]

(Open with an image of a WARSHIP, with prominent TURRETS, cruising through a serene tropical sea.)

JAMES MAY (Voice Over): This is the oldest front-line warship in the world. It was launched in eighteen ninety eight. It has been shot, bombed, blown up, chopped, channeled, stretched, re-engined, re-transmissioned, re-gunned, and is generally what we in the car world call, 'a classic'.

(Cut to a DRYDOCK in some urban center, somewhere. It's full of a freighter, still under construction.)

MAY (VO): This is the slip it came from, which is also still in use. Obviously, whatever has been done to keep them up in the mean time, the initial build quality of both must've been astonishing.

(Pan across a HARBOR, then zoom in on a LARGE INDUSTRIAL BUILDING)

MAY (VO): That building over there is a movie studio today, but originally, it was a car factory. From that plant, Doble-Nome Motors produced nearly two hundred thousand of their Model Three steam motor-cars, and their build quality, is astonishing. Ninety-five thousand of the automobiles that came from that plant are still on the road, taking the kids to school just like our modern upstarts.

(Cut to MAY, leaning against something, presumably a car, that's just barely visible in the bottom of the frame.)

MAY: Now, eventually, you'd think that Doble-Nome would have gone out of business, that they'd run out of people willing to buy one of their cars who didn't already have one, or that they'd have started turning out shoddy crap like the French and the Americans do.

(MAY grins, and the shot pans out to show a largish SUPERCAR, low and sleek. It's painted black.)

MAY: You'd be wrong.

(Various shots of the car streaking along the roads of the Isle of Man)

MAY (VO): These days, DNM is one of the world's leading car manufacturers, and the build quality hasn't changed at all. If anything, it's gone up - along with everything else in their game.

(Interior shot, MAY talking to the CAMERA as he drives)

MAY: Deens have a reputation for being practical cars, a sound investment. Sure you spend a lot of money on one - this year's base model saloon is fifty thousand pounds - and the wait times are annoying - every car they make is bespoke for a particular customer - but their financing is generous, and for what you pay, you get a car you can leave to your grandkids in perfect working order.

(Cut to a GRAVELED ROADSIDE; after a moment, the SUPERCAR pulls into fram and MAY gets out. The DOOR is very odd, with a roof panel like a gullwing's and vertical rotation like a scissor door's, but is hinged at the back rather than the front.)

MAY: The other thing about Doble-Nomes is that they don't change much. That's on purpose - DNM wants them to be timeless, so they'll still be attractive a century on.

(MAY starts walking around the car, camera following)

MAY: The layout is a little outre to our eyes, but on their home ground in Mayan, this is what car's've always looked like - cabin in the front, engine in the middle, then the boot at the back, and they've spent just as long getting the look and the other tricks down as anyone in the world.

(MAY turns to look at the car, and the camera swings to do likewise)

MAY (VO): And they certainly have.

(Various art shots of the SUPERCAR, sitting on the Top Gear test track)

MAY (VO): This is the Doble-Nome Motors Hokioi, the final nail in the coffin of the myth that the Maori can't design anything that goes fast.

(Cut to MAY opening the engine compartment, which involves swinging entire midsection bodywork, including the back window of the cabin, up and forward like a hatchback, away from the frame and power plant.)

MAY (Pointing to large beams along the bottom sides of the viewable area): See this frame, here? It goes all the way through the doorsills -

(MAY walks along the length of the car, tracing the beam)

MAY: - just inside the front wheels to brace the bumper, and the same in the rear. In a crash, the entire thing splinters, doing the same energy absorbtion job as a proper crumple zone.

(Camera drops down to zoom in through the lower window where it slopes back away from the bumper to the ground, showing the driver's-side pedals.)

MAY (VO): Which, of course, there's no room for in this thing.

(Cut back to the engine compartment, with MAY stepping into frame.)

MAY: But back to the engine. In and of itself, it's a great deal smaller than you'd expect from a car like this... But it's a steam engine, which means that its pistons are generating power every stroke, rather than every fourth stroke.

(Cut to the SUPERCAR on the road, interior shot of MAY talking to the camera as he drives)

MAY: Now, usually, in a steam car, when you ask it for more power, there's a moment while you call down to the engine room for more steam and the black gang shovels like mad before you get your extra speed.

(Cut to the SUPERCAR passing the chase car, then back to the cabin interior)

MAY (grinning): Not this one.

(Cut to the SUPERCAR snaking along a seaside road)

MAY (VO): That's because it's an electric hybrid - the bits that actually make the wheels go round are four electric motors, one in each wheel, which run off a battery, which is fed by the generator the actual engine turns.

(Cut to the interior again)

MAY: Besides the way the onboard computer juggles the power settings for the motors, all four wheels share the steering, too. The responsiveness is phenomenal - it has as much grip as anything I've ever driven, and it uses all of it.

(Cut to the car, stopped, with MAY sitting in the driver's seat and gesturing around for the camera to look at the interior.)

MAY: So, it's fast and quick and - being a Deen - it's well built. It's even relatively practical, for a supercar - there's room in the boot for a backpack, if not your laundry, and the gas milage is actually not bad. But what's the interior like.

(MAY waves at the instrument panel, which is distributed for minimal interference with the windshield - which goes all the way down to the bumper - the chin window - which goes from the bumper to the floor - or the doors, which are mosly window themselves.)

MAY: A greenhouse.

(The camera zooms over the passenger seat)

MAY: A very nice greenhouse, furnished in aluminium, stainless steel, and leather so soft it wouldn't be out of place in a Bentley or a Rolls Royce. The climate control is first rate, the computer can do everything you can possibly imagine - including adjust every little thing about the suspension and driving experience, since the entire car is drive-by-wire -

(Cut to the car interior, with MAY driving)

MAY: And when you're on the road, it's like there's nothing there but you, a little bubble of invisible comfort, and the boot of a playful god up your arse.

(Cut to the Top Gear studio, with JEREMY CLARKSON and RICHARD HAMMOND standing next to MAY)

CLARKSON: That just leaves one question, James.

MAY: What's that?

HAMMOND: How fast does it go?

CLARKSON: No, the Stig already found that out - though you viewers won't until after the break - my question is, how much does it cost?

MAY: Seventy-five thousand pounds.

HAMMOND: Is that the base model or the one you drove?

MAY: Any options you like, same price.

HAMMOND: Well, that's not bad at all. Only fifteen more than their saloons.

MAY: It's an excellent car. It's as pretty as anything you like, it's probably faster, and unlike your Italian nonsense, you know it won't break down. Ever.

[Walter]

While the Toyota keeps on moving after a swim in the sea, this machine will most certainly drown. :D

[Walter]

You know, I expect it to look either like this...

... or this...

;D