Joke of the Day

[Carthaginian]

Saw this one on another forum and had to pass it on:


Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white US congressman, "You have observed the white man for 75 years. You have seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The Congressman continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the congressman and replied.

"When white man find land, Indians running it- no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water, woman did all the work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

The Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only a white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

[Sachmle]

ROFLMAO *Nasal Projectile Liquid Refreshment*

Ok, my turn. Apologies ahead of time if this offends anyone, though I don't see how.

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says "Thank you Mister American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am not an American, I am a Mexican. The Russian goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America." The person says, "I not American, I Viet'namese." The new arrival walks farther and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for this wonderful America!" The person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American." The Russian finally sees a lady and asks, " Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" She looks down at her watch and says, "Probably at work."

[Sachmle]

Copied from NavWeaps Discussion board, courtesy of DesertSailer

"World Terrorism Alert Levels" by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years..

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.